Another Confession: James

I originally decided that I was not going to write about this encounter because I again have to confess going over to the dark-side. Because, I literally thought for an entire weekend that I had fucked up and would lose everything that I had worked so hard to achieve. Because it involves someone that I work with and I usually only write about tricks that I will likely never see again. Because I still do not fully understand why I took the risk I took and why I became so angry with the person who was just trying to tell me that he too is gay.

Over the years I have worked with him on several occasions on several different assignments. From the first time we were assigned to the same project team, there was something between us. I absolutely hate the term “Gaydar” and refuse to call it that. It was just something about the way in which we interacted…the way he would catch me staring at him and he would refuse to look away until I did…yet still, nothing was ever said.

James falls perfectly within my wheelhouse of what I like. He is in his early 40’s, dark brown close crop almost military hair cut. Probably and even 6’ tall and somewhere between a 36” and 38” waist depending upon the cut of the pants. He as a slight mid-section but he also has muscle definition in his arms, shoulders and chest. Having had seen him several times changing and in the shower, his hairy chest with a “happy trail” leading into his groin and slightly above average cut cock has always provided me with ample jack-off fader.

Even though there has always been this unmistakable…thing…between us, neither one of us ever acted on it or said anything that was in anyway unprofessional or inappropriate, at work or elsewhere. One reason for this…on my part anyway… was the bright gold wedding band on his finger. From common chit chat I knew that James was married and had a kid…a daughter I believe.

All of this changed several months back. Originally, I heard through the work grapevine that James was taking a transfer to the Seattle Office. Then a few weeks after that I happened to see James at one of our mandatory meeting, which was strange if he was now working out of Seattle. I asked a buddy of mine next to me about it and he had heard that that all fell threw for some personal reasons. Later that day, I noticed that James was no longer wearing his wedding ring. Putting two and two together I figured that the personal reason was a pending divorce.

A few months ago, James and I were assigned to a short project with a few others. When I had the chance I asked him

Me: “How is the family…well I hope”

James: “Yes, but my wife and I have divorced and she has taken a new job on the West Coast”

Me: “I am so sorry to hear that…must be hard on the little one”

James: “Well she seems to be coping well. She says she likes having a home on each coast”

Like most guys when talking about sensitive subjects, this entire conversation took place with minimal eye contact, but when I said:

Me: “Well we will have to get together for a beer… or something soon then”

As soon as I said this, James looked me straight in the eyes saying nothing for a moment…just looking at me as if he were trying to decide if I was just talking and being polite, or if I were making a loaded statement. After his silence had be come somewhat awkward, he said

James: “Umm Yeah we will have to do that some time”

And then he walked away.

Actually, I was just being polite, but his reaction gave me pause and I once again began to wonder…is he…or isn’t he?

A couple of weeks later I ran into him at work on a Friday afternoon. I made a snap decision to go for it and asked him if he had plans that night. He said no, so I invited him over to my place for pizza and beer since the house mate was gone for the weekend. Again, he paused giving me that nervous look before saying

James: “Okay…about 1900 hrs?”

Me: “Perfect…I think we should get to know each other better”

Pause…

James: “Umm Okay… see you later then”

I don’t know folks… you tell me… I thought I was pretty direct and struck an appropriate balance between being cordial and suggestive. I mean I think most would see that invitation as something more than just drinking buddies hanging out… or maybe not.

True to form, James showed up right at 1900 hrs. He brought some high end beer and was looking very sexy in just a plain t-shirt and blue jeans…just your average regular hot man.

I directed him to the couch and gave him a beer. I made a point of making eye contact with him and holding it. We did not say anything for like a full minute…just stared at each other…AGAIN FOLKS, yet another indication that he knew exactly what was going down.

At this point I was hard as a rock and it was obvious. I looked down at my crotch so that he would do the same… and he did…but said nothing, just returned to staring at me though his legs were spread a part and he held his beer bottle with both hands in the middle of his crotch…I think to hide his own boner.

Still without saying a word, I stepped between his legs and began to unbuckle my belt. I swear he looked like the proverbial deer stuck in the headlights. Just as I was pulling down my sipper James snapped back out of his trance…jumped up off the couch and said

James: “You have the wrong idea about me…I mean I am straight dude… I’m not….ya know”

He said all of this while he made a beeline for the door.

I literally kicked my own ass for the rest of the night. How could I be so incredibly stupid? Coming on to a Straight guy…that I work with!!! All that night and all the next day, all I could imagine was James telling everyone at work what happened. I envisioned be fired for sexual harassment and brought up on charges. Without a doubt, it was right up there with the worst 48 hours of my life.

I repeatedly called James’ cell leaving messages apologizing for my huge mistake, although my pride would not allow me to ask him to keep it between us…I mean…I own my actions and accept the consequences for those actions.

At 1000 hrs Sunday morning I am sitting in my robe in front of the tv only half watching Sunday Morning with Charles…whoever…and there is a knock at my door. I have to admit, I had a moment of panic…I thought I would have at least one more day before the shit hit the fan and all hell broke lose. When I opened the door, there stood James in that same t-shirt and jeans from Friday night. I stood there holding the door open…staring at him… prepared for the barrage of insults…anger…threats. All he said was

James: “May I come in?”

Me: “For what… to make me feel even more like a shit-head?”

Whit that, James stepped in the door, carefully closed the door behind him, turned back to me and kissed me full on the mouth…tongue and all. To say I was in shock does not even begin to cover it.

When he broke the kiss he said

James: “I have thought about doing that for about two years now”

After a moment or two, my shock was replaced with rage!

Me: “DO YOU HAVE ANY FUCKIN IDEA THE SHEAR HELL YOU HAVE PUT ME THROUGH THE LAST TWO FUCKIN DAYS!”

I swear my fists were balled up and I was about to through a punch. Sensing this, James put his palms up and slowly stepped back saying

James: “Yes I do, but give me a break…You have to remember what it was like when you first…finally admitted to yourself that you like guys! That shit aint easy…so I have been going through just as much fuckin shit as you!”

I was not appeased and I had now backed him into a corner

James: “Look, we both know why I am here…so you can either beat the shit out of me or fuck the shit out of me…but you are not going to do both…so which is it?”

I have to give James credit here…in our job we are all trained and highly skilled at defusing tense/aggressive situations…this was straight out of the text book and it worked. I snapped off my robe revealing a fat black cock that was…I kid you not…as hard as fuckin steel. I don’t know if it was the attraction, the emotion of the situation, the shear relief of what I had been stewing about all weekend or all of the above, whatever it was I was crazy horny and hard.

As my robe hit the ground I issued a one word command

Me: “Follow!”

I led James to my bedroom. Once there I went straight to the night stand and pulled out my cock-ring and the high end lube. I had no idea if James had ever been fucked before, if he was clean or dirty or what…at that moment I could give a flying fuck…I was going to take out all of my frustration and emotion on his ass. The cock-ring is significant. A cock-ring on my fat cock simply makes it a battering ram…for a long time!

By the time I turned back to James, he was down to just his white gym socks and a 6.5” hard-on.

As I pushed him down on the as yet unmade bed, he saw that look in my face… he saw the dark-side and he started to say something like “Please don’t hurt me” or “Please go slow”, but he was cut of half way through the word “Please” as I slapped him hard across the face.

I waited for a response… I waited for him to swing back…I wanted to fight… I wanted to fuck him up…then fuck…him up the ass! But instead of swinging back he held my gaze for a moment and then simply turned over offering up his very hot and slightly hairy hole…Just like he said downstairs “…you are not going to do both!”

Again, like a true pro, this simple act decelerated my aggression a bit more. Oh I am still pissed off, but now I am again focused on fucking rather than fighting.

I swear I dumped a half a bottle of lube in his ass and took a good ten minutes just work my way up to three fingers in his ass. It usually take four fingers to open a hole large enough to take my fat cock, but I wanted this to hurt. I lined up my battering ram and with one hard thrust was able to get about half way into him. Needless to say, this hurt him a great deal and all measures of decorum and defusing went out the window. At this point we were fuck-fighting.

After that first thrust, James did everything he could to get away and he almost did a couple of times. But, after a minute or so I was able to regain leverage and thrust again…this time making it about three quarters of the way in. James was yelling at the top of his lungs in pain, throwing elbow back trying to knock me off him but I rode him like a bronco. With my dick as hard as it was and fortified with tight cock-ring all I had to do is keep the pressure up. With every squirm and attempt to get away, my cock sunk a little further. After about a full two minutes of this, I was balls deep in his ass and the fight in him was dwindling so he moved less but his mouth picked up the slack calling me every name in the book…I was particularly proud of

James: “Get that Nigger Dick Out Of Me…You killing me you Black Son of A Bitch!”

And this one a bit later

James: “Don’t you dare shoot that Monkey Juice In Me!”

But by this time he uttered that last one, the racial slurring had become part of the scene…in that we were both egging each other on with the most vulgar and demeaning language that we could come up with. Normally I am not down with such language but some how…for some reason…it fit here and made the fuck incredibly hotter!

Me: “Who’s the Nigger!...Who’s the Nigger…you the Nigger after I fill you white belly full of my black babies”

James: “Oh…Fuck Yes…DO IT…DO IT!”

I swear I shot a pint of cum up his ass

Me: “Uunnnaaa…Unnnaa…Unnnaas Yeah…Yeah….take that Nigger load you filthy White Bitch”

With the cock-ring I stayed hard and well after I was done dumping my load up his ass I kept fucking him and rolled us both over onto our side so that he could get to his cock.

Me: “You hear that…You hear me churning all of that cum up in your ass…hear how wet you are with my cum bitch”

That was all it took…James shot a massive load…I mean MASSIVE…as in he must not have cum in a month, all over my bed sheets.

Needless to say, we were both extremely exhausted. I don’t think either one of has slept all weekend. Once my cock finally slipped out of his ass, I reached down and pulled the sheets and covers over us and we promptly fell asleep.

I woke up around noon to find James already awake and staring up at the ceiling. Again, I am no psychologist but I know a man who needs to talk some things through when I see one. I got up and fetched us a couple of bottled waters from the upstairs frig and we stayed in bed and just talked until about 4:00. I am not going to go into that conversation here…all of you reading this who have “Come Out” already know the conversation chapter and verse. At 4:30 we fucked again but in a much more tame fashion.

Under the umbrella of full disclosure, I only decided to write this story last night after watching my first episode of …I hate to admitted it but after so much pressure from all of the gay people I know, I finally watched my first episode of “Glee”. Okay Okay it was not bad…not great and I don’t think I will make a habit of it…but not bad. Anyway it was the episode where the gay kid confronts his bully oppressor and the bully ends up kissing him…basically revealing that he too is gay.

After watching that show I was sitting there thinking about how hard it is for us to really be who we are especially after we have invested so much in trying to convince others and ourselves that we are something that we are not. At that point I decided that I am ready to write this very true story. To this day I still do not know why I was so angry when James basically said “Hey, I am just like you.” I know this is a very long story, but if you have any thoughts…please share.

Oh Yeah, before you ask…no James and I have not fucked again…I think the first fuck ruined the potential for fuck buddies, but we are very good friends.