Another Confession

As you may recall from a few posts back, I have been struggling with coming to terms with who and what I am sexually… no, not struggling with the gay thing… more so with what drives me and turns me on sexually. This self realization and acceptance is an ongoing process for me, and so far, I have found that writing about this self discovery helps me with the acceptance part. However, it does take an unusual amount of effort to write about these sexual experiences that result from my sexual drivers because, frankly, I don’t initially like the person I see on these written pages. Or perhaps better stated: I do not initially like the dark side of my behavior that is revealed in this blog.

Nonetheless, it is what it is. I promised myself, and anyone who takes the time to read this stuff, that I would keep it real and write truth not fiction with the one exception of changing enough of the story to keep the identity of myself, and others, safe. Having said all of that, I am ready to make another confession.

This actually happened two year ago, but to this day, I feel responsible for turning a happily married yet closeted man with two kids into a divorced cum whore.

First, you need to have a little bit of background. This guy whom I will call “C” had chatted with me several times on-line but we never even came close to meeting. In fact, I had determined that he was a “game-player” (which I hate) and really never planned on fucking him. Nonetheless, through the chats I knew that he was married, had two kids and was a highly paid trouble-shooter for a very well known computer database firm. I believe that he simply liked the fantasy of being dominated by a big black man. Because I always ask about first experiences, I also knew that his first sexual experience with a man was with a black guy who forcefully fucked him in a vacant class room in college (whether this is true or not, I don’t know, but it is what he told in great detail).

Two years ago, a very good friend of mine was visiting from Boston. He is a White redhead man with a “Larry the Cable Guy” build … so you probably now know why we are very good friends. He also has a solid 8” cock that is every bit as thick as mine. Unfortunately for me … he is also a “Top”.

We were chilling at my place on a Saturday afternoon when we decided to see who was online. I no sooner signed on than there was an instant message from C. I was just going to blow him off, but my buddy wanted me to try to get him to come over so that we could both fuck and breed him. I told my buddy that it would not happen cause C is a total flake who talks a good game, but is too afraid to carry through with anything.

While chatting with C he mentioned that he was going to run to the hardware store to get a few things for a home repair project. I suggested that he come to the store that is only a couple blocks from my house so that he could stop by and we could at least meet in person. He was not really going for it until I told him that I had some very strong poppers from Germany and that I would sell him a bottle (I also knew that he liked to use poppers while jacking off to porn after the wife went to bed). Who knew that poppers would be the perfect bait… I sure didn’t, and was very surprised when he agreed to quickly swing by.

About 30 minutes later, I saw C pull into my driveway. I told my buddy to get naked and hide in the bedroom. I also stripped down to my underwear. I grabbed the strong poppers (Yes, I really did have some good shit) and poured some onto a hand towel (for some reason, I find that pouring poppers onto a clothe and holding the cloth to the nose, makes the poppers much stronger and more effective).

True to form, C timidly knocked on the door instead of ringing the doorbell. I opened the door and stood back behind it so that he could not really see that I was in my underwear.

Me: “Hey C, come on in”

C slowly stepped through the door. I closed it behind him and immediately put the cloth to in his face and held it there. C took a couple of deep breaths and three seconds later sort of fell back against the door. I guided him to his knees, all the while keeping the popper cloth against his nose. After about 30 seconds, I took the popper cloth and made it into a blindfold, making sure that enough of it draped over his nose. I then quickly stuck my now rock hard cock in his mouth. He literally melted. He supported himself with his hands on my hard thighs, and I held his head steady while I fucked his mouth.

I fucked his mouth for only about a minute because by this time he was giving no resistance at all. In fact, in his popper high, he had given-in to the fact that I was in control and that he would once again be fucked by a black man.

I pulled my cock out of C’s mouth and made him crawl to the middle of the room. Once there I told him to get naked. Because of the poppers, it took him a little longer than usual and I in fact had to help him get is shoes, pants and underwear off. Once naked, I put his 6’1” body on his back. I put more poppers on the cloth and made him inhale deeply a couple of times until he sort of went limp again.

By this time, by buddy was standing in the doorway of the bedroom stroking is very fat cock. I told him to grab the lube and join me as I began to slowly fuck C’s throat which went better than I expected, probably because poppers made him relax his throat.

As soon as my buddy arrived with the lube, I told him,

Me: “lube up dude”

I was not sure if C actually knew that there were two of us. I definitely wanted him to know what was about to happen so I pulled out of his mouth, got down next to his ear, and while holding his arms above his head, I said,

Me: “Do you remember all those times you got me hot for your ass on Manhunt only to drop off line when it came time to hookup?”

C: “Yes Sir”

Me: “Well guess what… you are so fucked now!” Me and my buddy are going to fuck you silly and send you back home with cum dripping out of your ass”

C: “No… Sir… Please Sir… just let me blow you… I will blow you both Sir”

Me: “Now come on C… we both know that you want this… and we both know that this is the only way it will happen”

There was a long pause and C began to struggle against being held down so I put another few drops of poppers on the cloth at his nose. As he breathed in the poppers, he stopped struggling. Meanwhile, my buddy is between C’s legs, stroking his ominous cock, waiting for the “go-ahead” to penetrate C’s hole.

Me: “Tell me you want it… You want it don’t you C?”

A very resigned C said,

C: “Yes… I want it Sir”

With that, I nodded to my buddy who went balls deep on the first stoke… that hurt even me and it took poor C’s breath away. Ya know how when a child suddenly falls or bumps it head and you know they are going to scream. They make the motion of screaming with their mouth but no sound comes out at first until they get their breath back. Well, that is exactly how C reacted to my buddy literally skewering him with his exceptionally fat cock. Thank goodness for the poppers making C totally relaxed cause if not, I am sure that that first stroke would have ripped him open.

My buddy fucked C hard with C’s legs draped over his shoulders. Thankfully for C it only took my buddy about two minutes before he was grunting and shooting a massive load deep into C’s bowls. The whole time buddy was fucking C, I was in C’s ear,

Me: “There is a big white dick pounding your ass… He loves your ass… He is cuming inside you now, clamp down, can you feel him shooting his cum in you… Good boy, Good boy, take that load for Daddy… that’s it, give your ass to my friend… make him feel good for me”

When my buddy pulled out, I got into position to fuck C. There was a huge white glob of thick white cum slowly oozing out of C’s ass. If you have been reading this blog, you already know that I love Sloppy Seconds. I especially love Sloppy Seconds after buddy cause his cum is always very thick, creamy and in high volume.

I took my time sinking the bulbous head of my fat cock into C, savoring the feel of buddy’s warm load covering my cock. Once the head was in I stopped and took a long pull on the poppers. Poppers work kind of differently on me. I can’t use them too much cause they will make it hard for me to stay hard and cum. However, if I take just one or two hits off the popper bottle just before I am ready to cum, I not only can cum, I cum a ton. They literally prolong my orgasm and I shoot two and a half times more than when I don’t use them.

The purpose of this fuck was not to make it last long at all. No, the mission here was to get as much cum into C’s hole as possible.

Once the poppers took effect and I had that light headed/drifting feeling, I started pounding my cock hard into C. Buddy had already loosened and cum lubed C’s hole for me so that while it was still a very snug fit, there was little to no resistance.

As I pumped my cock hard into C, all he could manage was this sort of low/guttural moan each time I hit bottom. I think I maybe got 15 to 20 good strokes in before I reached orgasm. True to my previous experiences with poppers, I seemed to cum forever. When I slowly pulled out of C there was a steady trail of cum running from his hole down the crack of his ass and pooling on the carpet.

At this point, C was just laying there on the floor, still breathing heavy. His legs were splayed open and his arms continued to be stretched above his head. I motioned for my buddy two go back into the bedroom before I took C’s blindfold off.

I let C lay there a bit longer while I quickly gathered up all of his clothes. Then I took off his blindfold and helped him sit-up. He was definitely in a daze and I practically redressed him myself. Once he was all put back together I helped him up off the floor. I was still naked and I noticed that for the last few minutes, C had been staring at my flaccid although still very plump cock. I then squeezed the head of my cock, forcing one last drop of cum from the tip onto my end of my index finger. I held the finger up to him. On his own, with out saying a word or looking at me, he put my finger in his mouth.

Me: “Ok, you better get going before you wife starts wondering where you are”

C just nodded agreement and headed for the door.

Two hours later I received and instant message from C saying,

C: “I had to change my underwear and pants when I got home because your cum soaked through, and it is still coming out… I cant believe how much cum you guys put in me… Please tell me that you guys are safe”

Me: “We are Safe… I promise”

C: “I cant stop beating off… every time I feel cum oozing out of my ass, I have to beat off again”

The Rest of The Story:

Unfortunately, over the following year, C continued to deny who and what he is which only made his craving for cock and cum stronger. Consequently, he contacted more and more guys on line, but like he did with me, he would flake out and stand them up at the last minute. Eventually, his wife noticed his increased time on the computer became suspicious and eventually found several emails and pictures and gay porn. She divorced him in record time. Once separated from his wife, C’s need to hunt for cum grew even stronger, wasting hundreds of ours online. I say “wasting” because he would rarely go through with it until the urges got so strong that he would take huge risks to get some cum. He even hooked up and sucked off a guy in the basement of church.

I was able to get with him only 4 more times over the last two years although we had attempted many times. The times we did get together, he would resist and try to get me to stop at the last minute for fear of the initial pain and fear of becoming addicted to cum. On the last “fear”, it is already too late. He even lost his job. Although he would not admit it, I suspect his addiction to cum had something to do with losing his job.

I know that I am not completely responsible for what happened between C and his wife, nonetheless, I still feel very guilty. As a result, I can’t seem to have sex with anyone who I know is married.

Big Boy

I had to run up to Portland ME for a couple of days this week, and as always, it took me approximately 15 minutes to setup and confirm a hookup. I don’t know why it is so quick for me when I am in Portland… perhaps it is because there are so few black people in Maine, let alone black gay male tops. Most of the chat sessions there start off with something like

“I have never been with a black man before”

Or

“I love black dick!”

If you have been reading this blog you know that my ultimate type is a “Larry The Cable Guy” type. White, slightly husky men with facial hair and a down-to-earth attitude/personality always get my attention. In fact, a guy with a slight belly (as in you cant rally tell they have a belly until they are naked), make me instantly hard. However, this is not to say that this is the only body type I am into. Actually, my type in men is very eclectic, and I definitely go through moods where I get horny for a particular type for reasons that are beyond my comprehension. This week, for some reason, I have been in a big boy mood.

On a side note, I have always enjoyed getting head form big boys… I am sure that it is all in my head, but I have always found head from big boys to be exceptionally good… they just seem to try harder. As you know, I love giving head also, and on those occasions when I come across a big boy with a big white dick! … “Boy-Howdy!”

Anyway, I was in a big boy mood and this really big guy on manhunt hits me up.

Big Boy: “Hi, you are fuck’n hot… I have always wanted to get with a hot black man!”

See…I told you… they all start out that way in Maine.

We chatted for a bit and he seemed like a nice guy but I already had social plans that night. Undaunted, he proceeded to tell me that he would be leaving his front door unlocked and that he would be in bed naked. He did not have to work the next day so I could come at anytime during the night. Like I said… they just try harder!

I arrived at his door at about 0100 hrs. I had no idea if his door really would be unlocked or not. In fact, I honestly expected it to be locked because there are so many fakes, flakes and half-baked on Manhunt. I reached for the door knob and it turned. It was indeed unlocked. My very next thought was, what if this is not the right house?

After taking a full minute to contemplate the risk, it occurred to me that a strange black man standing on the front door in a quite white Maine neighborhood was probably riskier, or at least more suspicious, than if I simply walked in as if the occupants of the house were expecting me.

I walked into the very small living room and see that the kitchen was off to the right, and a single bedroom was off to the left. The door to the bedroom was open and there indeed was a big naked white boy lying on top of a raised bed facing away from the bedroom door.

I walked into the bedroom, and Big Boy calmly rolled over and stared at me as I started to undress. All he said was,

Big Boy: "I am glad you came. "

This was the first time that I got a good look at his face. He could not have been more than 25yr old with an extremely cute baby-face and huge dimples.

Me: "How could I refuse an offer like that?"

His only response was a huge “boy-next-door” smile.

The room smelled like Dial soap and there was a damp towel on the floor next to the bed so I knew that he must have just come from the shower. He also had poppers and lube setting on the night stand next to his bed.

Once naked, I crawled up on top of the bed and him. He instantly began rubbing his hands over my chest, shoulders and arms. He clearly was a muscle worshiper, and as he admired my build, I could feel his dick getting rock hard under me. Then he leaned up, opening his mouth, signaling that he was about to kiss me. That kiss… well… again, big guys just try harder. This kid was a great kisser and that, coupled with the whole situation made me rock hard and ready to fuck.

I stuffed a pillow under his big ass and pushed his legs up as close to his chest as they would go. I grabbed the lube, lubed his hole … super tight… and then my cock. While I was doing this, he was inhaling those poppers like his life depended upon it. I the head of my cock as his tight hole and waited about ten seconds for the poppers to take full affect. When his head dropped back on the pillow and his body went sort of limp, I pushed the fat head of my cock in him hard.

Big Boy: “AAAAHHH, AHHH, AHH… Wait!... Please! Take it out… wait!”

He wiggled his way off my cock, closed his legs and sort of rolled over on his side while tightly gripping the bed sheets in his fists. I sat back on my haunches and waited. I took 30 seconds for the pain to subside at which point he laid back on his ass. He was still breathing heavy with his eyes closed and legs together. I waited about another 10 seconds before I forced his legs apart and re-adjusted his ass on the pillow.

Me: “Come on now, this is what you wanted… it will be better… just try to relax and let it happen… you will be ok… I promise”

I put cock head at his opening again and gradually applied continual pressure. He tried to wiggle away again, but I had a firm grip on his legs this time and would not let him get away. When he stopped trying to wiggle away, I made a huge thrust and buried me cock in him to the hilt and stopped. Big Boy grunted loudly, but the fight was going out of him as his hole began to adjust to my size.

I then handed him the poppers,

Me: "Here, take another big hit of this"

After the second hit of poppers we were finally ready to fuck. I moved strong and deep on the down strokes, and pulled out slow and easy on the up strokes. Big Boy seemed to really like this fucking method as his grunts turned into very sexy moans.

After fucking him this way for about three minutes I could tell that it was getting difficult for him to hold his legs up so I pulled out and moved him so that he was sitting upright on the edge of the bed. I stood on the floor between his legs. I then draped his big legs over each of my arms and slid his ass off the edge of the bed and onto my rock hard cock. His back was supported by the bed and his legs by my arms… in affect, he was in a human sling. The good new/bad news about this position was that Big Boy was totally supported and could relax which made his hole open more to accommodate my fat cock. The bad news was that I was supporting about 200 of his estimated 300 pounds while I was fucking him. After about two minutes of this my shoulders, chest and arms were rippling and covered in a thin layer of sweat. Big Boy’s head was thrown back with his arms above his head… totally enjoying the ride. To my complete surprise, at approximately minute 3 of this position Big Boy announced

Big Boy: "I am going to cum!"

Me: "Really???"

I was surprised because even though his dick was hard, his hands were no where near it. I have never really seen someone auto cum let alone see them auto cum while I was fucking them. Gotta tell ya guys, that is a huge ego booster for a top.

Me: “Fuck Yeah… let it go man”

With that, a thick rich cream began flowing out of Big Boy’s six inch cock. By the time he was done, there was creamy stream of cum that ran down his cock, balls and even onto my pubic hair. TOTALLY HOT!

After 4 and a half minutes of fucking Big Boy in this position, I had to put him down. Once his feet hit the ground and he stood up on his own, he gave me the tightest bear hugs I have ever had.

Big Boy: “That was great man!”

Me: “Well I am glad that you liked it, but we are not even close to being done”

Big Boy: “I don’t know if I can take any more”

Me: “Trust me, you can and will take more… turn around and lean over the bed.”

I felt that Big Boy wanted to object, but decided to accommodate rather than piss me off.

When he was in position, I reached under him and scooped up some of this cum from his dick and balls and used it to lube my cock before I pushed in him to the hilt in one stroke. I know that hurt him, but I felt that it was time for my pleasure.

I spread his big ass cheeks wide so that I could get as deep in him as possible. The tone and the mood of the fuck had changed. Instead of the sexy moans, all I heard from Big Boy was a muted grunt with each forceful thrust. Clearly he was just trying to get through it at this point. I fucked him this way for about another 3 minutes, steadily picking up the pace until I felt close to cuming.

I then pulled out of him and told him to get up on the bed on his belly. Big Boy hesitated a bit but then did what I told him. At this point, he would not even look at anymore.

I mounted him forcefully again… and lay full on top of him… fucking him with my hips. This put my head near his ear and I said

Me:” I know you are pissed, but you said you would take my load online… so you are going to take it! I am the first black man to fuck, and the first man to breed your hole!”

With that, I pumped a couple more times and let loose a large load… about 8 squirts… deep inside him. As soon as I was done, Big Boy quickly rolled over onto his back. My cock came out of his hole with a “plop” sound. He was rock hard again and was franticly stroking his cock. Within 15 seconds, Big Boy shot his second load. A load that was much bigger and longer lasting than his first.

After Big Boy finished cuming, he rolled onto his side with his back to me. I put my arm around him and in return, he pressed his ass back against my crotch so that we were spooning. We both fell asleep for about an hour. When I woke up I got up, picked up my clothes and went into the front room to dress. Just before I left, I looked back towards Big Boy’s room. He was laying on this belly and looking at me. I asked,

Me: “Are you ok?”

He shook his head “Yes” but did not say a word. With that, I left.